Answering Questions - 11 May 2015

Okay so I will type as fast as I can to try to explain what I wanted to say yesterday. 

Sister F. Alves speaks a lot of english. In fact we speak more english than portuguese I think. So where the miscommunication happens exactly, I am not sure. Things just don´t translate the same way. Also there have been things said, that I think in Portuguese are not a rude as they are in English. For example, in my first day she told me that all americans she knows are 1. skinny 2. have great voices and 3. play the piano. She then proceeded to tell me that I am an exception to two of those..........gee thanks. 

We definitely have different opinions on things which is normal, but usually when we have differences she pulls out her scriptures or preach my gospel to explain where I am wrong and need to change, but i will learn....My list of ´´things i will learn´´´is very long. hahha

So about the false beliefs....She read a talk some where that says our lives on earth are directly related to how righteous we were in the preexistence. So she thinks that I was more righteous than her because I was born as a white american. Now, I am not saying that I don´t believe this talk, but her attitude that all americans are more righteous and better beccase we are white and born in america.....its awkward. So alot of times there are comments made that make is sound like i think i am better than her. For example, she always makes a big deal about how many continents I think there are. I  always learned that there is N. america, S.America, Europe, Africa, Austrailia, Asia, and antartica.....but she says north and south america are the same  so anyway.....awkward. 

For the most part our relationship is fine. We get along and are friends sometimes hahha But one of the problems is she has alot of thoughts that she keeps to herself, but she hints at them...like she frequently says...´´I am glad you don´t know what i am thinking´´ and she apologizes frequently for her thoughts, but I  don´t know what they are  so i have no idea what she is thinking and so i am constantly worried that i am not doing  enough. I know that she has alot of expectations  of me, but she never really tells me what they are. So sometimes she is mad at me for not fulfilling a certain expectation, but I had no idea about this expectation. oh man. 

I know that the fault is not just her though. I know that because of comments said I have put up a little bit of a barrier so that I don´t get my feelings hurt. I cant say my thoughts about her  are always clean and pure either. I have my annoyances too and I try to talk with her about the ones that I think are important. 

Also one thing i just have to talk about is something that happened this morning. I was sharing what I studied about in personal study and we started talking about baptisms. She always says that I will have a lot of baptisms and stuff like that and I appreciate her faith in me, but I said I love baptisms but that is not my only purpose here, and I tried explaining how i feel that my purpose is inviting and helping people come to christ and yes this is through baptism, but it´s not how I  measure my success and oh my goodness. she spent the next 20 minutes telling me that I was wrong, that i needed more faith, and its my fault we don´t have baptisms every week because i don´t have the same desire as her. Wow. And yes, maybe I am wrong, maybe I need to be more focused on helping people be baptized, so I will study more and pray because I want to do what the Lord needs me to do here and not baptize every week just because that what everyone wants us to do.

Well sorry this letter is just like a venting my problems. I am only sending it to you three because  I don´t want everyone to read this. Really my companion is great. She has taught me alot of things and she is always trying to be working. She is very much the letter of the law, and mom you have taught me that this is good, but the spirit of the law is important too and this is what I am trying to do. 

I was so happy to see you yesterday. Oh man I have just been so happy all day. It was perfect because I just needed to feel your support and love and instead of feeling homesick afterwards, I felt more energy to go and do! So thank you! I am so grateful, beyond grateful for your love,support, and words of encouragement. 

Thank you for saying that I looked good and that my letters are inspiring. Hahaha those two comments just meant alot to me and my self esteem. 

So mom if you could work on me with ept a little. Maybe between me and my companion, false beliefs about americans,  or maybe if I have false beliefs about baptism. Anything that is holding me back please help me get rid of it! 

Again, that you for everything. I am just so happy to be here. Really. This is definitely the  hardest thing I have ever done but I am so grateful to be here. I am grateful for this opportunity to grow!

I love you!!! REALLY!!

Love, Sister Brealynn Jacobson

ps. sorry for all the typos